if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my being single is dangerous.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
