I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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