I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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