The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
