So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
