I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
