do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
