he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
