got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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