Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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