Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
two words...techno handjob
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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