Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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