she is the kim kardashian of front butts
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
