All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
