90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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