brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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