so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
