honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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