i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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