So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
