I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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