even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize