i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
