I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize