guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
