i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
