I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
