Kiss
Puke
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
false alarm, still single
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