In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
