Where did you get a picture of my penis
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
