Everything about him screamed your future.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
