RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
