The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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