you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
