I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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