did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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