If i come over, it means nothing
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
