I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
