I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
