Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
