Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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