the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
