just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
