I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
