Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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