she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
