Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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