i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm always down for nudity.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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