Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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