I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
