this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
