She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
