the condom got lost in my hair
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
