I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
