im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
