ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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