i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
