it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
