Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
