So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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