So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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