Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
