Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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