my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
