Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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