the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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