After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
