Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
